Well, our baby turned ONE! And what a year it’s been! I can honestly say that I have never (and hope to never again!) encountered so many life-changing experiences in such a short time frame.
In the span of one year we bought a new house and sold our old one (and all the packing/unpacking such events include!); we FINALLY had our baby (and by “we,” I really mean ME because, let’s face it -
I was the one they cut open to take him out and
I’m the one with the huge scar on my stomach!); Olivia left Cathedral House and started Kinkaid; we said goodbye to Aunt Yazzie as she departed on a 3 year fellowship in Iowa; we lived through Harvey and the destruction it caused for Houston – especially my poor parents; we endured all the pain that came along with Matt’s torn ACL, surgery and recovery; we lived through Eric’s many ear infections and eventual ear tube surgery; and we dealt with Uncle Drew suffering a pretty serious health scare. And all that time, we continued to work, raise 2 kids (including feeding/clothing them which at times seemed like a monumental task in and of itself!), sleep train Eric, pack Olivia’s lunch and snack EVERY DAY, nurse Eric, and figure out how to live life as a new little family of 4 – taking into account everyone’s feelings, emotions and temperaments to try have a home that is as loving and peaceful as possible. I feel like I’ve read 100 parenting books, washed 2 million loads of laundry, and run the dishwasher 49 bazillion times. I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, overjoyed, shocked and proud that we were able to come through it all still standing with our spirits and sanity (relatively) intact. We were lucky to have the help of friends and family who celebrated the blessings and lifted us up during the hard times. I’m guessing baby Eric won’t remember anything from this year, but I don’t think Matt or I will ever forget it!
At one year’s old, Eric has been a constant bright source of love and joy in the midst of such sorrow. He really is a great baby. He is still snuggly and sweet. He has definitely found his voice (no more little mouse) and yells at everyone – all the time. Sometimes it’s to get your attention just to say hi, sometimes it’s because he has eagle eyes and has spotted the bag of crackers hidden behind the box on the counter and he WANTS THOSE CRACKERS, and many times he wants you to turn on Alexa and dance with him!
He loves his family and gets SO excited when he sees one of us! Every day when I pick him up from school, he shrieks when he sees me, drops whatever toy he is playing with and makes a mad dash towards me. But, along the way, he will stop by whatever teacher he is passing to yell at her and then give a good-bye hug. (I HOPE he always is this sweet!). And then we go pick up Olivia. He happily waves to his favorite security guard (who has nicknamed him “smiley” and will tell anyone who’s there how Eric is the happiest baby he’s ever met and that he would adopt him if he could!). All the teachers/kids in after-care gush on him and he happily smiles/yells at them. Until Olivia comes. And when he only has eyes for her and will practically jump out of my arms to get to her!
Most evenings, Eric can be found under my feet in the kitchen. If I give him a extra spoons/bowls/tupperware, he his happy to chat with me while I cook dinner. While he favors mama (YAY!!), Eric will usually happily go to Matt. Unfortunately, Matt’s travel has been pretty constant since January. So FaceTime is really such a God send for all of us – Olivia usually spends 10-15 minutes a night telling Matt about the day and I know my spirits are lifted if I can even have a few minutes to see his face and debrief at the end of the day. But Olivia and I have recently had to give-up our time to a screaming, yelling baby who is knocking us over to get the phone and see his daddy!
Sleep is going pretty well. We have had some wakings during the night, but I can’t really blame him. Unfortunately, my supply of milk has been severely compromised due to some medicine I’ve been forced to take to deal with the fibroids that have plagued us since our IVF days. So while we made it to one year breast-feeding (a feat I am so proud of!), we have had to heavily supplement with formula. Thankfully, he has taken bottles and even if he needs a little midnight snack, he usually drinks and goes right back to bed!
Food is still hit-or-miss but we are working on it. Cheerios, watermelon, and avacado toast are clear favorites. Unfortunately, he has already tried and loves Pirates Booty (insert eye roll here). But he also chowed down on some asparagus the other day, so we continue to offer all sorts of foods!
He isn't walking completely - he can stand for long periods of time and has taken several steps, but would still prefer to crawl.
And with his one year birthday comes the move in school to the next class - Movement 1. We have all been dreading this move (his teachers/the director of the school/me, Matt, Olivia) because we know how desperately attached he is to his beloved Miss Shatavia. During the week he was supposed to be transitioning, I got this sweet text from her. So I guess, like their mamma, both my kiddos have a hard time transitioning to new situations...another thing we will continue to work on.
Like Eric, I also got a new schedule this summer. After my maternity leave, I came back 5 days a week (instead of the 4 I had been working before then) but left at 3:00 every day to get the kids from school. I really valued those days after school with my mom when I got to go home, have a snack and relax. And I wanted that for Olivia after Kinkaid. But, I found the change to be pretty difficult. Once we get home, the afternoon/evening flies by in a rush of playtime/dinner/bath/bed. It feels chaotic and stressful – much different from the sweet quality time I enjoyed with Olivia during our “Fun Fridays” together. So after some thought and discussions with Matt, I decided to summon my courage and ask for what I needed – a small reduction in hours to be able to work only 4 days a week till 3 pm AND have Fridays off. Thankfully my work is amazing and agreed to help me. I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I’m so happy and excited to have Fridays in the summer with both my kids and then to have some quality time with Eric in the Fall like I did with Olivia. For me, being a working mamma is such a fraught gig that requires management and balancing of so many responsibilities and tasks, but also the management and balancing of your own ego/desires/ambitions. That I am fortunate enough to have a job that allows me to balance all these competing interests in a way that works for our family is not lost on me at all!
At one year old’ Eric’s stats are:
6 teeth
Height: 30.25 (61%)
Weight: 22 (45%)
His one year appointment was a pretty tough one - 4 shots + a blood draw. He was so sad and Olivia got so stressed out with all the crying that she had to leave the room. Eric tried desperately to follow her!
And, for me personally, this year has felt much different than my first year with Olivia. With Olivia, each decision (no matter how minor) felt monumental and, at times, overwhelming; normal baby quirks (spitting up) felt scary and unknown; and each sickness from daycare (again, no matter how minor - and thankfully they were ALL minor!) felt debilitating and a little paralyzing. On top of that, I think that I worried away most of my maternity leave by being anxious/sad about going back to work. The ground underneath me felt a little shaky that year and the only way I knew how to handle it was to hold on to Olivia (and Matt!) as tightly as I could, for dear life. In hindsight, I can see that the number of times I cried that year is too many (and too embarrassing) to count; the daily stress and guilt I put on myself was completely unwarranted; and the constant worry I felt was excessive and groundless. I have a very distinct memory of sitting in the pediatrician's office for Olivia's one year well-visit and hearing the doctor say something to the effect of "Everything looks good mom. She's perfect! You've done great!" and then immediately bursting into tears of relief. It wasn't until some time had passed (and I found a good therapist) that I can look back on that year and see my short-comings.
But I think that over the past 6 years with Olivia, I've gotten more comfortable in my role of "mom." I learned that kids are resilient and adaptable (and so are parents!). I learned (not sure why I need to learn this!) that I'm the mom - I make the rules, I decide the path, I lead the troops (along with my trusty co-pilot Matt) and that it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about our decisions. I gained a sense of confidence in my ability to, at the very least, know who to call when I'm in trouble. We have an infrastructure in place now of doctors/nurses/lactation consultants/sleep therapists, etc that I have in my tool belt. And, most importantly, I learned how to ask for the help I need, in the way I need it. With all these improvements in place, I was determined to do things differently with Eric.
And I think I did. I can honestly say that I tried as hard as I could to soak up, cuddle, snuggle and enjoy every second with that baby during my leave. The house stayed messy, the clothes barely washed, and dinner never cooked, but I held Eric as often as I could (maybe a little too much given we then nicknamed him "holdy baby"). And although my worry did get the better of me sometimes (I'm looking at you clogged tear duct when I may or may not have called my saint of a sister-doctor and asked in all sincerity whether she thought he may go blind because of it), I really tried my best to not borrow trouble. I actually think that some of the tools/techniques I learned during our struggle with infertility/miscarriages helped me. And having experienced many of the same issues with Olivia really helped me stay calm when they came up with Eric - ear infections/tubes, not sleeping, separation anxiety at school, etc.
Eric Aspy - you are the little ray of sunshine that we fiercely wanted and didn't even know how desperately we needed. Your happy face every morning, your constant yelling of "Ahh!" to get what you want, your obsession with Alexa, and the never-ending "this?" questions about everything around you are such a happy part of our life. We love you so big and have had such a wonderful year with you!
